Approval

With age comes wisdom; 

At least that’s what my mother always told me. It’s a basic notion that as we mature, we learn more about life. As I get older, I’ve learned that there are certain ways to live your life that bring happiness and other ways that just bring stress. Life is about finding what makes you happy, and removing those things that make you upset.

We wonder about a million things every day that we shouldn’t have to think about. For instance, we like to think about 

How am I perceived? 

What are they thinking about me? 

How does my life look to others? 

And the list goes on, and on, and on...

It’s a constant array of worries and self doubt that torments us day in and day out. Now, imagine how free you’d be if you let go of all those thoughts. Imagine if you just stopped caring. 

How you seem and how you actually are may be two totally different things. How many people don't look as if they can dance but they really can? Appearances are deceptive. What someone thinks of you may be (is very likely to be) totally wide of the mark. If someone forms an opinion of you based on superficialities, then it is up to them,not you, to reform those opinions based on a more objective and rational view. Leave it to them to worry about - that is, if they have an opinion at all.

Lemme ask you a question, 

How many of your thoughts are devoted to the opinion of others? 

That heavy burden that weighs down on you day in and day out, stems from the opinions of other people. Why is it that so much of our happiness is wrapped up in the opinions of others? One insult has the ability to send you to the deepest depths of misery and self-loathing.

The weight of others has become a burden. It inhibits you from living your life. Because your entire being, your personality, your thoughts, your actions are controlled by an idealized standard of what people want to see. When you become so obsessed with other people’s opinion of you, you forget your own. 

The truth is, people will judge you no matter what 

*under the assumption that we do the same to people around us*. 

You learn this as you go through life. There are a lot of stupid people out there, and a lot of people who will want to see you fail. It’s human nature, and some people just have a meaner streak than others. I don’t know why little kids tease each other, but it definitely proves that some kids are just pricks by nature. You must remember that pricks don’t matter. Their opinions aren’t worth a damn in this world and by caring what they think, you will only live your life in misery.

Understandably, accepting yourself is not the easiest thing to do. Everyone in the world is filled with some kind of doubt; it's all about how they manage it. Luckily, there are things you can do that will help.

1. What other people think about you is none of your business. It’s their business.
2. Wasting your time thinking about what they are thinking about you serves nothing.
3. Seeking approval is a waste of your time and energy. It will only bring you suffering.
4. It’s not about whether others approve of you but if you approve yourself.

Some 'problems' in life, such as not really knowing for sure what others think of us, are not really meant to be solved. How people perceive you may have more to do with them than you anyway. They may even like or dislike you merely because you've triggered an association in their minds and reminded them of someone they liked (or didn't like) from their past. That has nothing to do with you.

Then again, how people perceive you reveals more about them than it does about you. People will perceive you based on their own conditioning and filters. So don’t take it personally. By the end, living life purely trying to please people who, perhaps, are incapable of ever being pleased by anything we do anyway - trying too hard to always be seen to be doing 'the right thing' - is the royal road to regret.

People have the right to think whatever they want to think about you 

You do the same, right?

Till next post,

Marcel